The Justification for Dishonesty

Two days ago my facebook news feed blew up with KONY this and that.  It was a very emotionally provoking video put together by the nonprofit organization, Invisible Children.  Later that night I began to see postings that argued the legitimacy of the video's claims (read this link).  As skeptics posted these links others promptly provided the ICN's response (read this link) in the organization's defense.  The ICN's response is a well played and necessary PR move to save face by clarifying the situation in Central Africa.  They do not address all of the confusing matters but now we're just splitting hairs.

From what I  have read it seems that Invisible Children has a worthy and necessary cause. But I have to say that regardless of what good your organization does, it does not justify half-truths and misleading information.  Lets call it what it is:  Dishonesty.  Every generation  seeks to paint a broader grey area between truth and lies.  "Lies is such a harsh word.  Can't we call it something else?"  Argue for all the good the organization does and defend your position to those who want to fully understand what is ACTUALLY going on.  Argue for the justification of dishonesty. 

I hold no judgement on those who are advocates for what the organization pursues - striving to stop the violence in Central Africa.  I am not disappointed in the choice to donate to Invisible Children.  If you understand the situation and desire to donate, that is fantastic.   My disappointment lies with the organization - the editors of the film and the management of the organization that chose to let this misrepresentation of the facts in essence represent THEIR organization. 

Just as no one is perfect, an organization made up of imperfect people will also be imperfect.  I just hope that the large influx of funding they are receiving as a result of their video does not encourage more of the same.  There should be an accountability for truth.

But as I've said before, I do not condone finger pointing and evading personal responsibility.  Opting out of giving to charitable causes for every reason under the sun does not exempt you from the responsibility you have (as an American and/or Christian) to give.  While I hesitate to walk the fine line of justification, I do empathize with why an organization may feel that speaking to emotions seems necessary.  Why does it take such a provoking video to prompt us into action?  I'm not saying you aren't giving at all, but did you miss the $10 you donated that day?  Probably not.  Maybe you can do that every week - without waiting for something to anger, scare or sadden you.  Give.  Give more.  Give thoughtfully.  Just give.

“I Will Give Them My Toys” - Giving With A Child’s Heart

We made another donation trip to the Friendship House this weekend and it reminded me of the first time Paul took Gabriel earlier this year…….

God gave my eldest son a thoughtful, kind, empathetic heart.  My job as his parent is to encourage him with opportunities to show the Love of Christ and maybe discover a thing or two myself along the way.

Paul and I began looking for opportunities to serve with our children this year.  Typically I just set out our donation bags for pick up when we receive the little postcards from charities in the mail.  (Those who know me know how I feel about clutter so you can imagine how often I have bags ready for donation!)  But here was something we could do differently so that our eldest could actively participate in giving.  FBC Carrollton has something called the “Friendship House”.  They accept donations and people in need can go there and receive help.  At the beginning of the week we were going to encourage our eldest to go through his toys and consider putting some in the donation bag.  I had no idea what to expect because you know that for a three year old just SHARING is sometimes difficult.  And we were going to ask him to GIVE some toys away.  Honestly, I wasn’t anticipating more than a couple old, forgotten toys to be tentatively dropped into the bag for the first trip. 

The Monday morning before D-Day, (Donation Day), Gabriel was “helping” me vacuum with his toy vacuum.  I asked him to please put a certain toy in his closet.  He replied that there wasn’t any room in his closet because his closet was already full of toys.  I seized the opportunity to talk with him about giving and put my vacuum aside.  It wasn’t a longwinded or impressive speech because I know a three year old’s attention span is short.  After I introduced this giving opportunity to him, he hugged his vacuum and said, “I will give the boy my vacuum.  And my fire station.  And my new car.”  “Obviously he doesn’t get it,” I thought, “because he likes to use his vacuum, he likes to play with the fire station he just received for his birthday and he just got the new matchbox car this weekend!”  So I tried again, “Gabriel, when we give toys, it isn’t the same as sharing.  You and Daddy will take them to a special place at the church and leave them.  Then little boys will go with their mommy or daddy and they will get to take the toys home and play with them there.”   My son listened to me, nodded and headed to his room.  I followed and watched as he took some trains off of his train table, pulled out a handful of cars and trucks from his matchbox case and placed them on his bed.  Then he opened his closet and began to pull out more things.  I just stared and thought “How am I going to make him understand so that he doesn’t have a meltdown when they take the toys to the church and LEAVE them there??”  But at the same time I didn’t want to encourage him to only give toys he doesn’t play with anymore thereby putting in his head that he should give God his “leftovers”.  So I knelt down on the floor and tried again, “Gabriel, why are you giving your toys to other boys?”   Then my amazing, wonderful, precious first baby looked into my eyes and said, “Because the other boys are sad because they don’t have toys.  But I will give them my toys and they won’t be sad anymore.”  His empathy and selflessness left me speechless.  Before the tears could spill I gave him a hug and left the room.

It’s amazing my husband was able to decipher my watery words on the phone that morning as I told him what was taking place in our home at that moment.  Afterwards I went back into Gabriel’s room and asked him to set aside anything he wanted to give and explained that when Daddy got home they would go through it all and then put them in the bag.  In the end, Gabriel filled a large shopping bag with his toys. 

When Paul and Gabriel returned from church on D-Day, I saw a tearless, happy boy walk through the door.  My husband smiled and said everything went well.  I know my job as a parent is to teach my children, but sometimes children are a few steps ahead of their parents and it would be wise of us to learn from them.

From Business Suits To Barely Suitable

My husband gave me a most fabulous Mother’s Day surprise.  On the surface some might wonder what the big deal is about a man taking the day off to stay home with his two boys so his wife can go do whatever she wants.   I mean she isn’t cooped up in an office all day so she is already somewhat free to do a lot of things, right?  During my free day I enjoyed running some errands alone and eating lunch and shopping with a girlfriend.  I never once hefted my 25 pound ten month old in and out of the car or had to stop the shopping cart to remind my son to use his inside voice, make good choices, etc.  Last night I began to wonder about the life stage we are in where something as simple as that act of love by my husband could mean so much to me.  

There was a time in my life when I wore business attire and heels on a regular basis.  I ate lunch with people in my general age range and we talked about things working adults (without children) talk about. We worked property values and filed tax returns for industrial corporations.  At least I think we did.  Some days my corporate life seems so long ago I wonder if it ever happened. 

I traded out the suits and nice clothes for a young mother’s wardrobe that is more suitable for the everyday battle scars.  After bedtime my child-friendly clothing bares witness to my day: cracker crusted drool, some dried snot (my teething baby grabbed my leg, wiped his nose and crawled off), spit-up, glue from my 3 year old’s craft kit, play-doh and only God knows what else.  I traded the adults-only lunches at Grand Lux and Mi Cocina for lunches at home or Chickfila with my child’s friends and their mothers.  These “lunches out” are not times of leisure but events that require preparation and an even faster inhalation of your own lunch as you scurry between feeding the baby, cleaning up spilled drinks, etc.  Adult conversation is splattered between each mother’s frequent child-related intermissions.  I believe this is why women are typically better at multi-tasking than men.  Multi-tasking is a skill required for survival as a mother. 

Sometimes this is how I feel by the time Paul gets home in the evening:

I admit there are times I catch myself singing along to one of Gabriel’s CDs before I realize he isn’t even in the car.  And yes, while I am now well read on topics like how and when to introduce solid foods and books like Baby Wise, my knowledge of property tax and tax codes is a little rusty.  I am no longer responsible for multi-million dollar property values.  Instead, I am responsible with teaching kindness and love to two small boys and I am thankful for the opportunity and privilege to be at home with them.  I think that is why my Mother’s Day surprise was applauded by many and so appreciated by me.  The little things are the big things.

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

Mean Girls

Some blogs have a “theme”.  Before you open the page of a routinely visited blog you have a general idea about what to expect – kids, politics, housekeeping, rants, humor, etc.  I don’t have a theme.  But I enjoy the freedom of sharing a potpourri of life, whether it is funny, family-specific or just about life in general.  This particular post was not initially written with the intention of being read by anyone besides my husband and myself.  It was originally “therapy in writing” - just a journal entry to mark what I’ve learned and a reminder to not regress.  Yes, Jesus patiently steps back with us many times to take our hand and bring us through problems that we have been through before.  But isn’t it so much easier if we learn the lesson and move forward?  My husband continued encouraging me to share this when he saw my reluctance.  I finally conceded when he said, “hopefully every woman that reads it can be helped in some way.  Because don’t ALL of you have to deal with this?”.    

Mean Girls

As a grown woman, whose children are both boys, I must still admit that my life will never be entirely drama-free. In my 30 years I have had three experiences with “Mean Girls”.  Because the past is in the past and the entire point of writing this is to write what I learned, I will not describe or allude to any of the instances in particular. 

Mean Girls come in many varieties and yes, ages.  Mean Girls are expected in the teenage years but I have learned that they do not grow up.  Yes, they age, but they do not automatically mature and leave their childish ways behind.  A Mean Girl may be anyone who is insecure, self-seeking, a “desperate housewife”, sharp-tongued, drama queen, a gossip (speaks negatively about others), jealous, demands Queen Bee status, or demeans others.  Any combination of these characteristics is a potent creation for a Mean Girl. 

I happily say that after two MGs entered and left my life I had the opportunity, yes I say PRIVILEGE, to deal with a third.  The third MG has unknowingly left me feeling light, free and has served to further heal past hurts that I had thought were gone.  What a blessing!  What was meant to harm me, God has used to bless me.  This was not easy I have to admit.  My husband was the only one with whom I had spoken to about a suspected issue for months.  As I came to a breaking point I had to acknowledge something was amiss.  Finally I let someone else into my tortured mind.  I called a trusted friend and mentor who I knew to be discreet and wise.  This person is someone who, regardless of the generational gap, I can truly call a friend.   Everything came pouring out.   What surprised me was the emotion that surfaced as I spoke these things out loud.  Baggage.  Things said years ago left such a negative impact on me that they carried over to today.  My friend and mentor shared some things that gave me insight.  As much as I wanted to find out what was wrong and try to fix and mend things, I realized this person was too similar to the previous two MGs.  God was asking me if I had learned anything or if I was going to go about this the hard way – again.  An insecure person who needs to be the Queen Bee is not going to leave you alone after you fix the issue.  (I should say IF you could fix the issue.  If you do not know what is broken you cannot fix it.)  There will always be something that she is jealous of or insecure about and you might be the one she unleashes on to bring more attention to herself as the supposed victim.  So instead you must leave your innate defensiveness on the sidelines, check your heart and ask God to show you if you’ve said or done something wrong.  If you haven’t, it might be best not to ask the MG.  Attention seekers thrive on this sort of thing.  Just leave it alone.  Stay away.  Know your true friends.  Don’t waste time, energy or tears on someone who is baselessly hurtful.  If you are truly faultless, your character can withstand the test of time as you wait for your reputation to be restored in the eyes of those who listened to the MG.  When they see that you do not exhibit any of the characteristics they’ve been told then your silence on the issue and lack of negativity about others will speak volumes.

Lastly, I am disappointed in Christians in general.  I have come to dislike the term “Christians” anyway.  Too often it is easier to find a “Christian” who is a bold-faced embarrassment to Christ than someone who strives to honor him.  I choose to use the term “Christ-like”.  Christ-like is what “Christian” means but seems to be a more potent description. I am disappointed in those that call themselves Christians but treat people without love and therefore do not act Christ-like.  Hopefully they treat non-Christians differently.  But we shouldn’t hold our breath about that.  Also, I am disappointed in those who call themselves Christians but encourage MGs by listening to the gossip and slander that comes from their mouths.   To this I refer to Hebrews 10:24:  “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

As my friend and mentor said “every experience with a mean girl makes the next experience easier”.   But you have to intentionally make the hard choices:  keep your own mouth shut, continue to only speak kindly of others, choose to leave the issue in God’s hands, and enjoy the freedom of being in the Truth. 

Addendum

I would like to thank my parents for laying the groundwork and trying fervently to teach this to me many years ago.