Since "retiring" from property tax, I have acquired a new set of skills. These skills don't require a conference or training seminar to grow or expand. Necessary, on the job training, is provided every day in this work field.
New Job Skill #1:
As my oldest son and I were decorating cupcakes last week, I stood on one leg. We were not pretending to be flamingos. One leg was not in a cast. I was standing on one leg at the kitchen island while icing cupcakes because the other leg was needed elsewhere. It was at the dishwasher. My 14 month old realized that he could do more than push buttons on the dishwasher. He can, while it is running, turn the nob. This was quite exciting to him because he quickly learned that turning the nob changes the types of noises coming from the dishwasher. Because I wanted to get the dishwasher clean and unloaded I tried the "Distract Method". With the "Distract Method" you must drop what you are doing and remove the offender from the premises and attempt to entertain him with a toy in another area. I tried this three times. Gabriel patiently stood on his stool at the kitchen island and waited for another cupcake to douse in sprinkles while all of this was going on. Then I tried to hold the baby in one arm and ice cupcakes with the other. It wasn't happening. So I moved the boys' little table from in front of the bookshelf (where it was previously blocking David from books he wanted to "read" and by "read" I mean bend or rip) and put it in front of the dishwasher. David has brute strength though and he pushed it across the kitchen in about half a second. Finally, my moment of genius arrived: hold the table against the dishwasher with your right foot. Aha! I am happy to report that I am now trained in art of icing cupcakes while standing on one leg and using the other leg as a prop to allow the dishwasher to finish its cycle.
New Job Skill #2:
One day I realized that a handful of "little errands" had accumulated. A "little errand" is defined as follows: a purchase that requires a trip to a retailer where only one or two items are needed. (That can be found in the Mommy's Dictionary - Momma Bell v1.) So I decided to power through all of the errands in one morning. With both boys. I mapped out our route based on store location and hours of operation. Hobby Lobby and Lowes were open by 9am so we hit them first. We were in and out much faster than I expected and the next store didn't open until 10am. So we ran into Michaels even though I wasn't prepared with their coupons but we got lucky. They had what I had failed to find at Hobby Lobby AND it was on sale. By 10am we had hit three stores and had two successful purchases. After realizing I forgot the stroller we persevered and headed into a bookstore. We were the only customers in the store and the two workers were enthralled with my boys. The lady ended up holding David while I considered a book and the grandfatherly man talked with Gabriel in the kids section and watched the movie that was playing. "Would they notice if I left the diaper bag and snacks with them and went to another store to finish my last errand?" The thought did cross my mind. Baby David assisted the sales lady at the register and I managed to convince the boys to get back in the car. After considering nixing the mall since I didn't have the stroller, we powered through and went to use our Gymbucks anyway. The second we entered the mall Gabriel asked if we could go to the Lego store. No trip to the mall is complete without a stop at the Lego store. Thank you, Nana. Snacks in hand, I sat the boys on the bench in front of the tv and instructed Gabriel to keep doling out the goldfish to his little brother, it worked fabulously. Next we headed to the Lego store and once we made a slow lap around the entire store and commented on every item, we headed back to the car. When we arrived home from our trip I had logged 6 stores and 4 purchases with my two boys in 2 hours and 15 minutes. I felt like I had just qualified for an Olympic sport. The key to my success: patience AND snacks.
New Job Skill #3
Ahhh..... the much anticipated GNO. A Girls Night Out during the week is typically seen as a nice little oasis to break up the routine. However, depending on the age of your children, your preparations for your night out may only increase the need for time away. Icing a cupcake while holding a 13 month old didn't work out so well for me. But desperate times call for desperate measures. While waiting for Paul to get home from work so I could go meet friends for dinner, I realized I had to get ready with the boys underfoot. Really it is just David that is underfoot. He is too young to lock in his room yet and I'm not sure that it is safe to let he and Gabriel wrestle without adult supervision, so he had to be in the bathroom with me. Getting into everything. My desire to leave the second Paul arrived inspired me to try multitasking. I held David and applied makeup simultaneously. Including mascara and eyeliner. There are witnesses (my three friends) that can tell you I arrived without the evidence of having had a small helper. The key to my success: determination and long arms.
New Job Skill #4
I think I'll call this one "fishing". If you've ever had to pull your three year old out of the middle of a round clothing rack you know what I mean. My brother was the one who pulled these kind of stunts with our mother. Shouldn't this kind of behavior be reserved for HIS children? As I groped around for my eldest I realized I wasn't the only mother attacking the rack. Another mom assumed it was HER son in there. "Nope. This one is mine," I said as I retrieved my son. She found her son in the adjacent rack.
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